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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 994 (some duplicates have been removed)
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. good one for you tonight. we've got kentucky senator rand paul joining us, obviously name for his father's favorite philosopher, rand mcnallly. a short time ago president obama and governor romney wrapped up their first debate. who knows if they even had the debate with yesterday's bombshell. full day, drudge-con one, blue siren alert, obama race video. hannity had the exclusive. >> tonight you will hear from barack obama like you have never heard from him before. a video has been uncovered from a campaign event in 2007 of then-candidate obama. it contains some of the most divisive class warfare and rarlly charged rhetoric ever use by barack obama. >> jon: casually tossing out words like honky, white trash, o-fay, spf-45 wearing mother... the video had been widely covered when the event occurred in 2007, but that doesn't matter. i'
.mccaption.com >> jon: hey, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, liam neeson, the star of "taken, 2: the tookning." (laughter) continuing with our lineup of guests that are three times the size of me. (laughter) who did we have on last night? who was on the show last night? schwarzenegger! i don't watch this show so -- (laughter). schwarzenegger. we had -- amar'e stoudemire, liam nissan, oe kwraoeully. there's not one guest this pass month whose ass i can kick. (laughter) does dr. ruth still do shows? (laughter) let's begin tonight with the urgent issue of in-person voter fraud which, by all accounts, is nonexistent but nevertheless -- (laughter). a major concern for all americans. particularly in swing states controlled by republican legislatures like pennsylvania's voter i.d. law. what is the purpose of that law again pennsylvania's republican house majority leader? >> voter i.d. which is going to allow governor romney to win the state of pennsylvania. done. >> jon: but hey -- (laughter). -- this is just between us chickens, right? huh? i mean, when t
captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show," my name is jon stewart. got a good one for you tonight. our guest gerard butler has a new film "facing mavericks." it's a film following sarah palin around. (laughter) whatever happened to that lady? i don't know. let's begin tonight with last night's presidential debate in boca raton, florida, which is spanish for "rat's mouth." (laughter) and yiddish for "heaven's waiting room." (laughter and applause) this is the third and-- thank god-- final debate between barack obama and mitt romney. to topic, foreign policy. bad news for president obama because -- >> in the history of presidents of the united states, he's our worst at foreign policy. >> this is a very weak ill-conceived foreign policy. every place you look is failure. >> the jimmy carter years look like the good old days compared to where we are right now. >> the president has communicated weakness. >> jon: weakness in foreign policy! obama is weaker than coolidge in foreign policy! weaker than pol
) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, we have a good program. my name is jon stewart. my guest one william james bill o'reilly will be discussing his book killing kennedy which i can only assume is a confession. let's get right to, it. we know this is a deeply divided nation, until last night when something brought all americans together in agreement. >> president obama took a shell acting. >> he was not properly prepared for this. >> the president didn't bring his a game. >> he was just so dull. >> he looked tired to me. >> romney won hands down. >> he was very, very bad last night. >> jon: there is no red america there is no blue america there is only the america that can't believe how bad this guy did in the debate. how bad was the defeat o bama lost despite mitt romney doing this. >> i'm sorry, i will stop the sub sid to pgs. i like big board, i like few, but i'm not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from china to pay for it. >> jon: mother [bleep] fired big board. america's favorite nonfried bird. he fired big board and won. beloved childr
are right now. >> the president has communicated weakness. >> jon: weakness in foreign policy! obama is weaker than coolidge in foreign policy! weaker than polk! weaker than president flinchington j. craphispants. (laughter) as you know, the only president in united states history who ever had his wallet stolen by a baby. (laughter) you don't hear as much about old president craphispants. (laughter) but given obama's foreign policy record, this debate is going to be a bloodbath. >> i congratulate him on taking out osama bin laden. drones are being used in drone strikes and i support that entirely. and feel the president was right. i want to underscore the same point the president made. i felt the same as the president did. i supported his action there. absolutely the right thing to do to have crippling sanctions. (cheers and applause) >> jon: i think romney's leaning obama! (laughter) apparently romney is one of this year's coveted swing voters. look, how closely did mitt romney align himself with what had, i guess up until last night, been the worst foreign policy ever? listen to th
central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. we've got a great show for you tonight. thank you. in my-- in my continuing effort to make myself look as much like a keebler elf as possible, our guest tonight magic johnson will be joining us. ( applause ) have we had anybody-- i think flaft two weeks have, we had anybody under, like, 6'6" on the show? everybody that's been on the show gives me a ride home in their pocket. ( laughter ) let's juch right into the big story with our continuing coverage of democalypse 2012. ( laughter ) >> i-- i hope you have dolby at home. because that's-- ( laughter ) folks, election watchers are always poised this late in the campaign season for what they refer to as an october surprise. it appears that time is upon us. as evidenced by the recent presidential debate where barack obama unveiled his explosive october surprise that he has given up. ( laughter ). surprise! ( applause ) even the president acknowledged to his less
. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. >> jon: welcome to the daily show. i am jon stewart. we have one for you tonight. joining us for the first time, the governator, arnold schwarzenegger will join us on the program. i wonder what that might have sounded light, it might have gone a little something like this. >> taxi? >> i have zero to work on that impression. >> this is the first presidential debate is wednesday, biggest day of the whole year, for editors of podiums magazine. boy. a buying make or break moment for both campaigns and they are going all out preparing. >> president obama and governor mitt romney are preparing for wednesday's debate on in denver. >> msnbc obama's leaving on sunday for two or three days of debate camp. >> oh, debate camp! >> oh i remember going to debate camp, i remember like no sports, a bitter rival, camp normal malfun. >> let's see if i remember the debate camp stopping if i can. ♪ >> on the shores of lake rhetoric, we practiced logical consistency. will beat your ad hominem attacks on
show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. great show for you tonight. our guest tonight legendary guitarist pete townsend will be joining us. ( cheers and applause ) one of my all-time heroes. quick story fallout from the rumble on saturday night. obviously other than for people who couldn't download it, i apologize for that. it turns out the internet is a series of tubes. if you stuff too much in one tube, it won't... but it turns out my kids watched and apparently the phrase "bull [bleep] mountain" was awfully popular with my son who is eight years old. apparently not as popular with my wife. in terms of him using it. so, i drove home the next day from washington. i got to the house. i greeted everybody. i was so excited to be home. i noticed my son was sitting across the room giving me the stink eye. giving me one of these. and so i go, hey, nate, what's up, man? he goes, "you should watch what you say." i was like, "what do you mean?" he goes, "kids could see that and use that language and they could get in real
>> jon: to discuss issues they think about? but not that it mattered anyway because apparently during the debate the ladies had already left the building. >> it was just too much to talk like two roosters going at each other. it can turn off women. >> one thing women voters don't like is an a bully. >> a turn-off for women. >> i'm not sure they'll be turned on by this debate. >> lots of women turn off. >> i'm wondering if suburban women were turned off. [laughter] >> jon: not that that's a bad thing because as far as i can tell they've been a little hopped up on this thing. [laughter] way too long. for on women's reaction i'm joined by senior debate analyst, samantha bee. you saw it and watched tuesday night. what did you think of the debate? >> well the media nailed it jon. told turnoff. on tuesday night i personally didn't take in any of the policy specifics because as a woman i was too appalled at how rude and belligerent they were to each other and the nice waitress tries to calm them down. [laughter] >> nuh-uh. >> you mean the debate moderator, candy crowley. >> yeah, right, a la
(cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. oh, we got a nice one for you tonight! ben affleck, director, actor, writer ben affleck will be joining us with a great new movie "argo." but first. ladies and gentlemen -- (laughter) with just four weeks to go to election day the insurmountable, unblowable lead the that president barack obama enjoyed post-convention -- (laughter) -- has been mounted and moan by mitt romney. (laughter) (laughter) no? (cheers and applause) i stand by that phrase. (laughter) and it is now mitt romney who cannot be mounted or blown. i -- you know, there's a better -- will there's a better way of saying this, i'm sure. so perhaps now is the time to actually pay attention to what our future overlord has been saying. (laughter) his dreams, his assessment of the state of the country now that he is 100% assured of winning this election as obama was just last weekend. (laughter) >> this is unacceptable. it is not working. trillion-dollar deficits for the last four y
bankrupt. that was pre-sizely what i recommended and ultimately what happened. >> jon: okay. in fact, obama's publicly financed detroit auto industry managed bankruptcy is not precisely what romney recommended. romney precisely recommended private credit, which at the time was to be precise non-existent. meaning under his plan detroit's bankruptcy would have been unmanaged and quite permanent. so the big question would be: which version of barack obama would respond. the first debate, sleepy time ma gill cutty or pretty talk jones. >> candy, what governor romney said just isn't true. >> jon: it's alive! it's alive! [cheering and applause] whoa, whoa. yes, president barack obama decided to attend this debate. [laughter] and the two candidates could finally have a truthful, substantive discussion about how much they [bleeped] hate each other. [laughter] >> governor, we have actually produced more oil. >> no, no, how much did you cut licenses and permits on federal land and federal... >> production is up. >> it's down. >> no it isn't. >> production on government land and oil is down 14%. >> go
and thrive. the amount of debt we're adding at a trillion a year is simply not moral. >> jon: not moral! (laughter) that means for mitt romney this terrible debt is worse than of fept. (laughter) >> jon? >> yes, mormon god. >> not cool, bro. (laughter) >> jon: shouldn't you be on broadway? (cheers and applause) >> no, no! >> jon: little joke there. but all right we have been irresponsible with government spending. romney, bring the tough love. what are we going to lose? >> i don't want any change to medicare for current seniors or for those that are nearing retirement. no change in social security for those that are in retirement or near retirement. >> jon: all right, so it's immoral debt but hands off the core entitlements! they've literally been grandfathered in-- grandmothered. (laughter) probably the more peripheral entitlements got to go. >> i'm going to make sure we have the kind of training programs that give people the skills they need for the jobs of today. >> jon: okay, so hands off chinese language instruction programs. (laughter) i guess the cuts are going to come from big s
for little michael and candy junior. >> jon: you dont bear to watch the debate. >> yes, we're women. we don't like it when people argue on television. cue. no thanks. >> jon: real housewives is a series. like the most popular series amongst women. all that is is arguing. >> that's different. a, it's not staged like a debate and b, when two women night it's girl on girl. it's natural and beautiful. [laughter] >> when two guys do it it's just gross. it's such a turnoff, god. >> jon: right there. turnoff. you would never hear a pundit saying i would never find the debate a turnoff in dating terms. like turn on and turn off. >> they need to convince the candidates need to be court and women have rational creatures and men use just this organ here. the one i'm pointed too. [laughter] >> jon: for women life is just one big turnon, turn off, playboy questionnaire? >> that's what we use in place of resumes. we all fill them out when we turn 18 whether you get chosen to pose or not. >> jon: it seems like if that's the case it would be impossible to have a spirited debate. >> that's ridiculou
>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, the house democratic minority leader nancy pelosi will be joining us tonight. maybe we'll talk about the election! maybe we'll fwaukt selection, which you may have heard is happening, 12 days from now in the great state of ohio. (laughter) i'm not sure if any other states are voting this year, but candidates are beginning to make their closing arguments. and if i could frame them through lyrics and music of the great britney spears, barack obama is saying to the electorate, hit me baby, one more time. (laughter) whereas mitt romney is perhaps suggesting, i'm a genie in a bottle. (laughter) really, they're not sung by the same person, are you sure? no, they are sung by the wonders that judge on the talent show. there's two music talent shows? i have got to get myself a zune. (la
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 994 (some duplicates have been removed)